The unexpected rains in this season, diverted my mind towards them as always and after enjoying the cool weather I am back to hold the thread where I had left it. I love to talk about this topic of knowing the roots of our emotions and further our reactions because I myself have experienced a lot from it. The moment I started creating awareness in my actions and reactions, which I later realized that most of them were reactions. Actions that are totally free from outer influences are less. And what we actually do are having lot of outer influences acting.
What do we know when we get aware? We can only know about the gross changes and the subtle changes both. But the understanding and realizing the subtle changes need a certain amount of connection with our inner self that works on that level. The gross changes to what I am referring are the changes or reactions happening in our physical body. People have a close connection with the their physical bodies, with little awareness can feel the changes occurring. The first experience I had was the feeling of releasing acids in my stomach when I confronted a undesirable situation. It was an eye opener for me. I knew the amount of problems it had created with every release. So I got more and more aware on the times when I experienced such release of acids in my stomach. There were few words, few sights and few situations that gave me this ill feeling. As I understood this, I had to know what was that bothered me to the extent that my body reacted in such a negative mode. What was the fear, that converted itself into a ball of acid inside me. As I kept on questioning I understood, that the basic negative emotion I was feeling was the one of fear, The fear of losing myself, my self respect and the most big one fear of losing my ego. Four years before, when I had first experienced it, the frequency was several times a day. I knew I was inviting diseases. But with the awareness, came the understanding. AD helped me to understand my fears till their deepest root so that I could come out of it with love and understanding and they don’t leave any scars on my being. The process of understanding the fears is generally painful, because we come across those aspect of the self which we don’t like to see and accept that they too exist. If you even feel that that there is no aspect in your life that you have overlooked, that is just due to unawareness. We are all humans wanting to play our assigned roles perfectly. Who wishes to put the imperfect face towards the audience? No one. Who is the audience…the whole world is your audience, where we try hard to be accepted.
The feeling itself can be of lot of help. So next time you feel a discomfort, just stop the whole thinking process, feel where in your physical body is this feeling arising and where is it settling and making a block. I would appreciate to know your experiences about understanding these gross feelings.